Faith
by neolavender
Summary: I'm not convinced whether he is seriously in love with me or not. But I know I should've not thought like such, because when he knows I doubt his love, he started to doubt mine. Temari's POV, Oneshot.


_I'm not convinced whether he is seriously in love with me or not. But I know I should've not thought like such, because when he knows I doubt his love, he started to doubt mine._

* * *

><p><strong>FAITH<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Story © <strong>Neolavender, 2011

**Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © **Masashi Kishimoto, 1999

**Warnings: **maybe OOC, self centered, grammatical errors, typos, and sucks :P

**Don't like, don't read.**

* * *

><p>Our relationship had never been clarified. Others who only see half of it, had never been clarified either. As a result, people had always clinging to me—wondering what is my relationship with Shikamaru. If I were those people, I think I should question myself either; why am I having this <em>unknown relationship<em> with the lazy ass Shikamaru? And not to mention, a long distance relationship?

I know even if he never orally told that he loves me (not that he ever mention it otherwise), I'm sure that he really do loves me. And I can stick around with that. But it only last until Gaara and Kankurou got really anxious about my relationship with Shikamaru.

They say that I should've chosen someone who has a really big opportunity of being my future mate. _Is Shikamaru not one of them?_ They say that I should've chosen someone older than me, so it won't be hard when I have children. _Hey, Shikamaru is pretty mature for his age, right?_ _Wait, you guys don't think so?_

After a great debate, I can pretty much answer their doubt with variant excuses so that my brothers still allow me to go to Konoha. But my mouth suddenly goes numb when they ask me if he ever tell that he loves me.

Well, he never did.

I think hard to find an excuse. But the only excuse that makes sense—which I don't think I want to share it with my brother—is that he never really loves me the way I did.

And suddenly, I start to doubt his love for me.

Every time I visit Konoha, he always takes me to walk (or I prefer to call it a date). We go to the mountain in the morning and talk about things in our village; we went to Ichiraku's in the afternoon and eat some ramen (sometime we met Naruto and Sakura there. In the end, they always ask us the same thing: whether we're dating or not); and we stay up late playing shougi numerous times (though I have never succeeded to beat him) until we both sleepy and he walks me to my hotel or my temporarily apartment.

It's the same. Every time I visit Konoha—every time we're not working. It's always the same. And I had enough! That time when we stay up late playing shougi again, I decided to ask him.

"Hey… I wanna ask you something."

His eyes never leave the shougi pieces. He makes one move. "I'm listening." He said calmly, waiting for my next movement.

I decided to make a move first, and then I ask straight. "Do you love me?" our eyes make contact. He looks really surprised of what I just ask.

Then he asked me instead, "Why? Is it bothering you?" His question just hurt my heart. Is my doubt really true? His hands made the next movement.

"You don't really love me, do you?" I ask naively, try to hide my disappointment. Shougi pieces just don't look really interesting to me anymore.

"It doesn't seem like you do." He stated, looking a bit angry.

"Well, you have never said you love me." I made an excuse.

"I never thought you need one." He stands up. "I thought you believe that I love you. I thought you have faith in me."

"You know what? I tried, Shikamaru." I also stand up. I try to tell him every excuse I have, "But it's hard when your brother don't support the relationship. It's hard when every people you met asking whether we're in a relationship or not. I can't make myself to think that we're in a relationship either. You have never made me think that way!" Then my eyes feel watery. I have made another excuse, to the one I should've never made an excuse with. Why is it so hard to believe?

Then I came to my senses when I hear no more word. I look up and see him with a disbelief look. He looks really shock, "Shika—"

"You have never thought of me seriously, do you?" he asks straightly.

"Well, no. It's just that I—"

"You think I'm a joke to you?" He's getting angry. It's my first time to see him like this. "Well, miss Sabaku?"

"No. You're no joke to me." I tried to convince him that I love him. Wait; is that what he's trying to do all these years? Trying to convince me that he loves me?

"Well, then. I guess we never really have anything before, didn't we?" and with that, he just disappeared—leaving the shougi board and me alone. I start to pick up my things and walk home.

I chuckled, "I guess convincing him doesn't work, huh?" I tried to make some joke. It sounded nothing near funny. And I started to feel tears running down my cheeks. I sweep them every time, but the tears won't stop. So I started to laugh, trying to make things funnier so that I won't cry to hard. But things were just too sad to laugh at. It just makes them worst.

So I decide to just go straight to my apartment. Or home—to where I belong—to Suna. Or maybe somewhere far far more away, like Amegakure. Yeah, maybe I can dye my hair and change my name. Maybe I can start a new life, search for a boyfriend, have sex, or even have family. Hell, I can even commit a suicide. But… it won't settle anything. It will settle nothing. Maybe… I just need sometime alone. That's why I come back to Suna—telling the fifth Hokage that I have an urgent mission in Suna. Again, I make some silly excuse.

From that day onwards, I have never dare to step my feet on Konoha. I don't even dare to step outside the house except for missions and such. I just feel… so sick and empty. My activities are watching TV and do Gaara's paperwork. Sometimes I read in the library, paint, plant, or even admiring Kankurou's dolls (hell, if I had something to do, I should've not admire that strange things). My days were just the repeated of the day before that, which is the repeated of the day before that, which is the repeated of the day before that, and so on.

Gaara and Kankurou start to feel disturbed when I start to admire Kankurou's doll in the third week of my isolation from Konoha. At that point, they are absolutely sure that something was going on with me. When they start to ask me some questions, I realize that they are worried. So I said that I just failed to do some diets. Then I realize that the excuse was just too silly to understand when Gaara and Kankurou want me to tell them the truth. So I did.

At first, they were angry at Shikamaru. They curse at him while I tell them about my feelings. It's just bad. But things get worst when I tell them about every situation—they mad at Shikamaru _and _me. It was as if they have prepared a long speech for me to hear. They told things like '_I told you so_' or '_as we thought_' and bla bla bla. Well, at least they insult me as much as Shikamaru.

In the end, I realize that I was wrong. Hell, I always know that I was wrong. And I know that I owe Shikamaru an apology. So I take a visit to Konoha.

I met Ino first, right in front of Konoha's gate. I ask her where Shikamaru would be. But she insists me to walk with her to the park. We chat about things, just like what I did with Shikamaru. But then, she asked, "Where are you in the past weeks? I have never seen you around. Not coming to Konoha?"

"Well… I got home sick, I guess hehe…" another excuse.

"Oh." she said short. Things started getting awkward, then silent. I don't make an attempt to say anything because I don't want her to know that I lied. So no one's talking.

"Temari…" she said then.

"Yeah?"

"You see… I'm sorry."

I got nervous, "N-no! No need to apologize. I do miss home, you know?"

"No. You don't understand. I… well, we…" there's a pregnant pause. "I and Shikamaru were dating."

"Huh?" butterflies just flying in my stomach. I felt numb, very numb.

"I'm sorry. It seems that you and he had a fight. So I come to cheer him up." She said. "We got close again. And do things together more often. With that, the villagers think that we are dating. And it was kind of a mess, but Shikamaru don't say anything. So… I thought that we're dating or some sort."

"Err… well then, I guess—" I stand up, ready to get back to Suna. But Ino grab my arms.

"Wait. I want you to hear it from me first. I don't want you to misunderstand." She said, grabbing my arms more firmly. "But when I ask him about our relationship, he said that it's nothing. So, we were kinda being friends again." Then she let my arms go.

"So… is that it?" I ask.

"Yeah…" she nods. "Wait! Where are you going?" she ask when she sees me walking towards the street.

"I… dunno. Go home, I guess?" I answer truthfully. I just don't think it was a good timing to see Shikamaru.

"Don't you wanna see him?" Ino walk towards me.

"Maybe not know." I said. Then when I started to walk my way back to Konoha's gate, Ino start to grip my arm and pull me down the street.

"Wait! Where are we going?"

"You know perfectly where we're going." She said calmly. "I promise him to bring you back."

"But… I don't think it was a good time to see him." Another excuse I made. But she didn't answer. We headed to Ichiraku. It was afternoon, Shikamaru usually hang around there either with Chouji or me (Ino only wants Shikamaru to accompany her to go shopping).

Right when we enter, I see him with Chouji sitting on his right. In Chouji's right are Sakura, and then Hinata, Neji, Lee, and Ten Ten. I guess it _is _a bad time to see him.

"Oh there you are, Temari. Where have you been? Long time no see." Sakura ask gleefully right after she spotted me in the entrance. Right after that, they were all staring at me. A few of them were confused why I came there with Ino, since Ino was just breaking up with Shikamaru.

"Oh… err, hi. I got busy in Suna, hehe." Another stupid excuse of mine.

"Oh, what a pity. We're just celebrating Chouji's birthday. The big guy is now turning old isn't he?"

"Hey! Don't say that! My remaining money is not enough to treat Temari." Chouji stated.

"Oh, wait. Didn't you just say that you have an appointment, Ino? Is it with Temari?" it was Ten Ten's voice.

"Huh? No. We just met each other right in front of Konoha's gate." Then she sits 2 chairs on Shikamaru's left. "It's ok, Chouji. I'll be the one to treat Temari. After all, it's your birthday isn't it?" she winked.

"See? You all should've been the one who treat me." Chouji blabbered. The others just laugh.

I walk towards Ino and sit on her left. She mumbled and grips my arm again. Have I tell you she had an iron grip? "Sit on my right." She whispered. I shake my head. Then she pinches me hard until I scream, making Shikamaru and Chouji turn their heads towards me. "I said, _sit on my right, _Temari!" she whispered again so that the guys won't hear her. I just forfeited and sit between her and Shikamaru.

I sigh.

"You really do busy in Suna, huh?" Shikamaru ask.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I turn my head; don't get what he's saying.

"You just sigh. A normal Temari don't usually do that. What did you do to her?" he asks flat.

"You think I'm abducted, lazy ass? What, now you're detective or something?" I tried to drop the intense air with the lame joke. This guy needs to loose a bit, sometimes.

"Nah, I'm no one in particular." He said calmly, reaching his drink.

I just went silent. Then I order some cocktail. Since it was a treat, I don't think it was a good thing to order too much. That time, I think everything was perfect. Things going back to normal. We laugh, we sing, we dance, and we enjoy our time together—not to mention me and Shikamaru. It was like a déjà vu.

The celebration ended just before midnight. The others are drunk (except Neji, Hinata, Ten Ten, and Shikamaru). I myself am getting a little bit tipsy (because Chouji said he'll be treating me until I'll drunk). So Shikamaru walks me home. He asked me where my apartment is, but I shake my head because I don't remember checking in an apartment (I just went straight to Ichiraku with Ino that time). So he brought me to his house and lean me on his bed. It was so late, so I doubt his parents are awake.

"Hmm… Sabaku Temari is drunk. Now I really wonder where the real Temari is." He said, sitting next to me.

"You fool. I'm the real Temari. Beside, I'm not drunk!" I said between hiccups.

"Yeah, save your breath for tomorrow." He reaches the blanket and wraps me on it.

"I'm not drunk. I'm only a bit tipsy. A tiny little bit of tipsy. Unlike Sakura, Chouji, Ino, and the others who are totally crazy. They are superhuman, I can't drink like that. They are drunk. I'm not. I'm only tipsy. It's just like salt and pepper. Or is it sugar and salts? You know the difference?" Things just came out of my mouth.

"Yeah, you're definitely drunk." He said while rolling his eyes. "Good night, my princess." I hear him whispered in my ear. Then he kisses me in the forehead and went sleep next to me. He faces the wall, so I can't look at his eyes.

Then it was just silent. I don't know if he's asleep or not but, "Shikamaru…" I whispered, leaning myself to his back, trying to smell every scent of him.

"Hn?" I sill hear him.

"I'm sorry. For everything..." I said. Then, another pregnant pause. I encircled my arms around his back to his chest. "I've always love you—with all my heart."

Another silent. Then, his voice breaks the cold wind in his room, "No. I'm sorry. I'm the one who never said _it_ before." I feel he's turning his body towards me.

"You mean, _I love you_?"

"Yeah, _that._"

"Then say it." I say.

I can see blushes in his cheeks. "Wh-why should I? I thought you say you love me with all your heart." He excuses.

"Be fair, Shikamaru. If you can't do it, then it means that you don't love me the way I do." I said again. "But... If you really don't love me, I guess there's no other choice but to forfeit my love." I sigh.

Yes, to say such things, really hurt myself. I can't even imagine if I can handle if Shikamaru don't feel the same. But what can I say? It is a consequences to live with love.

Shikamaru keep silent. He just stare at me with no emotion. Which tear my heart apart because I'm afraid that what I'm afraid of is true.

Suddenly, he whisper, "Then I'll show you my feeling."

With an instant, he land a kiss in my lips. His lips taste like _ocha_ and lemon. Maybe it was the drink that he had in Ichiraku that day. I can feel his breathe collide with mine. After a minute, the kiss went wild. Our tongues battle for dominance. He encircled his arms around my hips and pulls me towards him. With that, I moan and grab his pineapple hair tightly.

Before things going on too much, I break the kiss and whispered to him, "I think it is okay for you not to say _that_ words as long as you did this more often." I smirk.

He chuckle, "Really. What have you done to the real Temari, huh?" then he started to lick my earlobes and kiss my lips again.

"I don't think I'm the fake one. Now where do you hide the real Shikamaru?" I joked. "But still… I love you, Shikamaru. Fake or not."

"Yeah, me too. Forever and after." He said.

I giggled, surprised at the beautiful phrase that come out of his lips. I don't even know if Shikamaru is capable of creating such words.

_**~End~**_

* * *

><p><strong>*Ocha: <strong>Japanese tea

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

As I thought, I can't make an angsty end. It was always somehow be a happy ending -_- at first; I want this fic to be full of angst. But, I guess it's too sucks and not serious that it can't be an angst ._. and… it was more intimate than what I thought it would be.

Anyway, thanks for reading this _thing _:P review is greatly appreciated~ thanks a bunch, guys!

xoxo, neolavender.

* * *

><p><strong>Self check:<strong> hell, this is my first time writing English fic :P my country don't speak English in general, so be kind. I do realize that it's a total mess (I don't even try to match it with dictionary or something. I won't make an excuse. I'll tell ya, my grammar is totally sucks ._.)


End file.
